This blog post is part of the ‘My Story’ section in our TalkCampus Wellness Centre, where students share their personal experiences to support and encourage their peers.
“Breaking cycles is never easy, especially when the past is filled with instability and pain. For many, childhood trauma leaves lasting imprints, shaping how we see ourselves and the world around us. But healing is possible. This is my journey of overcoming a difficult past, learning to set boundaries, and choosing a better future—not just for myself, but for my children too.” - Jasmine
My childhood
“The theme of my childhood was instability, responsibility beyond my years, and a lack of nurturing from my mum, who had me at age 17. I did have some happy times, especially with the support of my grandparents, however, when my mum moved out on her own, she became involved with the wrong people and developed a heroin addiction.
I remember feeling neglected and unsafe, especially when my mum was in abusive relationships. The places we lived in were often chaotic and intentionally isolating by controlling men, and we had to move around the country often. Eventually, we were taken to a women’s refuge by the police after a particularly bad incident, yet a few months later my mum returned to the same cycle of poor relationships and substance abuse.
Despite this, I excelled academically through high school, although I was unsupported and could only rely on myself, I didn’t have any friends as I was too embarrassed by my home life to invite anyone over. The responsibility and lack of parental support influenced me deeply, but it has also led me to make independent, determined choices for my future – I was, and am determined to not turn out like my mum.”
How I learned to set my own boundaries and let go of guilt
“Letting go of the guilt was achieved largely through therapy, which helped me start to process the complicated relationship with my mum. Therapy enabled me to understand that I had taken on a parental role, due to her emotional immaturity, forcing me to grow up quickly and assume responsibilities that were not mine to bear.
This has allowed me to let go of the guilt I felt for not being able to “fix” things for her. Recognising that her struggles were her own responsibility, I was able to put healthy boundaries in place to protect myself and my family. I now limit contact with my mum to prevent her from bringing negativity and instability into my children's lives, allowing me to break the cycle of trauma from my childhood.”
Why boundaries are important
“I would say learning to set boundaries is crucial after a difficult childhood, doing this has allowed me to protect my emotional well-being and create a sense of safety and stability in my adult life. Growing up in an environment with abuse, neglect, or emotional strain, often leaves people without a clear sense of what is safe and acceptable for their own relationships and learning to put boundaries in place will teach them, like it has me, that it's okay to say no and not to let people take advantage. Boundaries provide a way to reclaim control and security. If my mum had ever put her own boundaries in place, she may have been able to break the unhealthy cycles and develop healthier relationships for herself, yet she was always pulled back into the same harmful patterns.”
How I’ve helped myself
“Letting go of the guilt and understanding that I am the daughter and she is the mother in the relationship was truly life-changing. It empowered me to set firm, healthy boundaries, this time for the protection of my own family. I’ve chosen not to allow unsupervised contact between her and my children due to past incidents that made us feel unsafe – she will always bring alcohol into our home and cause a scene. Despite her struggles with mental health and unresolved trauma, she has refused professional help, and I can’t allow her presence to disrupt the stability I’ve worked so hard to create for my children.
Though sometimes I feel judged by my decision to keep our contact minimal, and I would love to have a mum I could call up and chat to, I know that breaking the cycle of trauma is essential. I’m committed to raising my children in a peaceful, supportive environment, where gentle parenting and strong family bonds take priority. Setting these boundaries has freed me from guilt and allowed me to choose what’s best for my family. This is how I am honouring my journey and ensuring a better path for my children.”
How my past shaped my path in university
“My childhood experiences have profoundly influenced my decision to study psychology. Growing up in an environment filled with instability and trauma gave me a unique insight into how early life events can shape a person’s emotional and mental well-being.
At university, I’ve found that my personal experiences give me a deeper understanding of the psychological concepts I’m studying. For instance, when learning about attachment theory, trauma, and resilience, I often reflect on my past and how these theories apply to my life. This connection has fuelled my passion for helping others, particularly those who have faced adversity.
I am drawn to work in areas where I can support individuals recovering from trauma. My time volunteering with the TalkCampus app has further reinforced this desire, as I’ve been able to offer empathy and understanding to students navigating their own challenges.”
How to support someone who has been through similar
“If someone tells you something traumatic or upsetting about their past, just let them talk about it if you feel able to listen. Don't feel you have to fix it - just listening without judgment or offering your own opinion on what's happened can be helpful. If you feel like you can, ask if you can help in anyway, and try not to make assumptions about someone else's background or what things might have been like for them growing up, we don’t know what someone might have been through just by looking at them.”
If you need support
If you’ve been affected by Jasmine’s story, know that you are not alone. Healing from trauma takes time, and seeking support—whether from friends, a trusted community, or professionals—can make all the difference. If you’re struggling, platforms like TalkCampus provide a safe space to connect with others who understand. But if things feel overwhelming, please don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help. Therapists, counselors, and mental health professionals can offer guidance and support tailored to your needs. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to heal. 💙